When I Stepped Out Of My Shower
by Vipera berus
Summary: What would you do after stepping out of your purple coloured shower wearing only a towel and you'd find yourself in the middle of Tortuga, suddenly meeting Jack and his .strange. poodle? This is what I (you or someone) did! Read it, you hairy scallywag!
1. A Very Colourful Prologue

**A/N: I am very bored, which is the reason why I'm writing this. Oh, I'm _not_ neglecting my other PotC fic (I'm still in the middle of writing the sixteenth chapter), I just got this 'brilliant' idea while I took a shower (don't ask…). Anyway, I decided to try out with a story written from 'my' POV. I think it's going to be a challenge, but we'll try that anyways. Righto, onto my newest ficcy!**

**Disclaimer: Hmm, I wouldn't be writing fanfictions if I owned it all… shakes head**

**PS: I don't have a plot for this one yet, and I won't continue if it sucks. Tell me in a review! **

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**When I Stepped Out Of My Shower**

- Prologue -

It's 2004, whatever the date is, I have no idea.

My day had been a long one. My bloody boss made me run around on his errands for at least five-hundred times, which got me really pissed off so I quitted the job. It hadn't been a nice one anyway, so no big deal.

Sitting in my apartment, quite alone and bored, I decided to watch the Pirates of the Caribbean DVD on my sea blue television. So, I grabbed disc number 1 and placed it inside the player, waiting patiently for the film to begin as I took a seat in my lovely couch (pink in colour). It's a hideous couch, but when you're a bankrupt unemployed crazy girl, like me, you don't have money to buy anything else…

Did I say I'm crazy? Hehe, didn't mean it. I'm a very – very un-crazy person. I grinned innocently to myself.

And now I'm sitting here, grinning to myself…sigh

Ah, finally! The movie was about to begin! Yay!

Still grinning like fool, I watched as 'young Elizabeth' came into view on the screen. Boooring…

I just had to play it forwards until Captain Jack Sparrow dreamy sigh came into the picture. He's just so amazing, handsome and charming…

I woke up a few hours later. Damn, I missed the movie. Well, what can one do? I stood up and stretched my arms, wondering what to do now. I decided to take a shower, yes, it would definitely cheer me up a bit. A nice looong shower, not to mention warm…ahh…

Stripping to my nakedness, I slid the door open to my bright purple coloured shower and closed it once I was inside, my neon green towel (don't ask) hanging over the door. As I turned the shower on and felt the hot water pour on me, I couldn't have felt more relaxed and drowsy…I hope I don't fall asleep in the shower. That wouldn't be nice. Wonder what Mrs Next-Door-Neighbour would think when she hears odd noises from the bathroom next to hers. (I'm talking about my unnaturally loud snores.) I shook my head and continued to shower for a while. Ahh, lovely. But it would be lovelier if Captain Jack Sparrow was here with me, though.

Hehe.

Laughing to myself a bit, I grabbed the shampoo and put some in my hair. I started to rub it when I heard a strange noise. The shower started to shake wildly and I screamed, wondering what trick Mrs Next-Door-Neighbour was doing on me now. Unfortunately, I had a large amount of shampoo in my hair and eyes, so I wasn't able to check what was happening. What if it was an earthquake?! Eeek!

"Earthquake, earthquake!" I ran around in the small bright purple coloured shower-closet and hit my face on the opposite wall. "Ouch."

Then it stopped as fast as it started. But when I listened carefully, I heard even stranger noises. No, these were voices and gunshots! Uh ooh, what the hell?!

Still with shampoo in my hair and eyes, I grabbed my neon green towel and draped it around me. Then it hit me!

Burglars!!!

With pistols!

I'm gonna die…

Nooo! I didn't even get to see Pirates of the Caribbean 2!!! Nooo, I mustn't die yet!

But what if I fight them? I grabbed my shampoo bottle and opened it. I heard the voices grow stronger by the second but they sounded curious and frightened. Oh hell! I can't see a thing with the bloody shampoo in my eyes!

My mind was racing…what to do? I tried to rub the fluid out of my eyes but only made it worse.

"Ow! It burns! It burns!" I cursed and heard the voices grow silent. "I'm armed, you thieves!" I yelled from the shower. A murmur of frightened voices was heard now. I tightened my grip of the shampoo bottle.

Then the door of the shower slid open, but I was ready! I pressed the shampoo bottle as hard as I could and tried to aim at eye-height, which was pretty difficult, because I myself had my eyes filled with shampoo. "AAAARRRGH!" I shouted as I fired the shampoo at whoever was trying to have a free peep show while I was in my bright purple coloured shower, wearing a neon green towel.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKK!!" the burglars or whoever it was yelled so loud that I almost had to cover my ears. "A SEA MOSNTER IS ATTACKING US!! EEEK!! A SEA MONSTER!!" They yelled. I scowled as I heard quick footsteps and knew they had left.

"Thanks. I didn't know there is a_ that_ big resemblance between myself and a sea monster…" I muttered sourly. I came up with a brilliant idea! I grabbed a piece of my neon green towel in my hand and wiped my eyes with it. Yes! I can see again!

I noticed that I still had shampoo in my hair and now it looked like a large pink afro wig (the shampoo was pink).

When I stepped out of my shower, now with a bright vision since my eyes were no longer covered in shampoo, I only felt my eyes grow to the size of two large wheels.

I think I made a mistake stepping out of my bright purple coloured shower.

I stood there in my neon green towel, staring wide-eyed at a dark town, looking very much like _Tortuga_…

_To Be Continued…_

_Muah-ha-haa__…_

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**A/N: Hehe, odd huh? Well, you tell me in a review. **

**PS: This will probably be a JACK ROMANCE (I'm not sure yet, though), with the girl who still hasn't got a name, so if you have a good idea what we shall call her, please review and suggest something! **

**PPS: Jack enters the story in the next chapter…hehe… grins evilly**

**HUGS! 3**


	2. Is That Poodle Shagging My Leg?

**A/N: Second chapter. Strange it is. grins Thanks for the reviews, the girl is called Ashleigh. Thanks for all the suggestions as well! **

**So this is a new totally CRAZY and WEIRD fic of mine and it's not a serious fic, just something I thought about while I took a shower.**

**Disclaimer: What if I did own PotC…I would be kissing Jack senseless right now instead of writing this piece of strange fic…**

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**When I Stepped Out Of My Shower**

- Chapter One -

Is That Poodle Shagging My Leg?

This had to be some weird dream. Perhaps I really did fall asleep in my bright purple coloured shower? And soon Mrs Next-Door-Neighbour will come banging on my door with her walking-stick because I'm snoring so loudly and I'll wake up! Yeah…that must be what's going on. Lovely dream though…

Tortuga.

Hehe.

I usually have pretty nice dreams, well, except the fact that everyone thinks I'm a sea monster, I'm wearing a neon green towel and I'm covered in pink shampoo or soap or whatever in this one.

Deciding that it would be a good idea to look around this Trotuga-looking place, I tried to adjust my eyes to the darkness (I believe in a thing called love…) and found out that I was standing in front of a tavern called the 'Faithful Bride'. Hmm, ok.

A funny feeling stirred inside my stomach. What if I really were in a place called Tortuga and I time-travelled with my bright purple coloured shower-closet into the Golden Age of Piracy? I gulped. It didn't sound too good for a girl wearing only her neon green towel and pink shampoo in her head to be standing here almost naked when pirates ran around her.

Wait.

There were no pirates around.

Where were they?

This was getting exciting! Hehe…

But with no pirates around, it was a bit boring though…

I sat down on a large stone to think things straight. Placing a finger on my chin, I started to think really hard. Hmm, could I really be in Tortuga? Why were there no pirates around? Perhaps it was too late to be up, but pirates didn't care if it was late of not. I had to get some answers so I jumped up, made sure the knot on the front of my neon green towel would not open and sauntered inside the 'Faithful Bride', hopefully not scaring anyone in there.

A sound of snores filled my ears. I had to give some credit. These were even worse than my snores!

"CAN I HELP YOU, MISTER?" A voice shouted in my ear. I jumped slightly and turned to glare at a pirate with an eye patch over his left eye.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WITH 'MISTER', MISTER? I AM NO MISTER!" I shouted back over the snores. All the pirates had passed out. Great. Or not. Well, yes in fact. No. Yes. No. Yes. NO! YES!

"I'M SORRY! YOU LOOK LIKE A MISTER, MISS!" the pirate shouted, eyeing me up and down with his only eye. I rolled my both eyes.

"SURE! SOMEONE EVEN SAID I RESEMBLED A SEA MONSTER SO A MISTER SOUNDS BETTER, MISTER!" I yelled with a grin. If those pirates are ever going to wake up, I'm going to give them my trophy which I won in a snoring contest back in high school.

"I AM NOT A MISTER, MISS! I'M A PIRATE! ARR!" he yelled at me, exposing his blackened teeth and his bad breath. Yuck!

"NICE TO KNOW, PIRATE DUDE! I'M AN UNEMPLOYED CRAZY GIRL WHO FANCIES PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN!" I had to say that, well, yell that. The pirate blushed into a crimson red which made me wondering, but he never mentioned it. Neither did I ask for the matter…

"CAN I STILL HELP YOU WITH SOMETHING?" the pirate dude yelled. I lifted a finger to my chin and started to think again. I wanted to know if this really was Tortuga.

"UMM, YEAH, PIRATE DUDE! I WAS JUST WONDERING WHERE I AM?" I shouted over the noise.

"IN TORTUGA, MISTER!" he yelled. I had to roll my both eyes again.

"I'M NOT A MISTER! I'M A –" I felt something against my leg. When I looked down I saw a cute poodle, shagging my leg. Hehe, he was shagging my leg, hehe. "IS THAT POODLE SHAGGING MY LEG?" I shouted at the one-eyed pirate dude. He nodded. "HEHE, THAT POODLE IS SHAGGING MY LEG! HEHE, I'M VERY TICKLISH!" I added. The poodle just continued to shag my leg.

"NO! STOP, DOWN BOY! DOWN!" a new manly voice shouted behind us. Turning my head I saw someone very familiar running towards me and the poodle. Oh My Ticklish God…

It was – it was – I can't breathe…

When I choked, the new person, who was a pirate as well, grabbed the poodle and lifted it into his arms.

"I'M SORRY MISTER! THE POODLE LIKES MEN! IT'S GAY!" he yelled at me.

I choked.

Anger washed over me. I was a sea monster AND a man?! What kind of Tortuga was this?! I don't even look like a man! I have long blonde hair (now covered with pink shampoo) and a very neon green towel around me! Shouldn't these bloody pirates notice a girl who was almost naked? Perhaps it was the shampoo…

"HEHE, IT'S A-ALRIGHT! E-EXCEPT THAT I A-AM N-NOT A M-MISTER!" I stuttered, you would've stuttered as well if you saw the person who was patting the cute poodle in his arms right in front of me.

I'm trying again.

It was – it was – I think I'm fainting…

The man looked me up and down before grimacing. "ARE YOU A SEA MONSTER THEN?" he asked me.

"N-NOOOO! I'M A G-GIRL! A W-WOMAN! U-UNEMPLOYED A-AND CRAZY!" I yelled in answer. His mouth formed a small 'o' as he seemed to get the hang of it. Really, Thick Pirates of the Caribbean…? He eyed me up and down once again.

"I'M CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW AND THIS IS MY LOVELY POODLE JACK WHO IS GAY!" he shouted, extending his hand. I stared at it, shaking from head to toe like a leaf. Hehe…I'm wearing a neon green towel with pink shampoo in my hair in front of Jack Sparrow! When is Mrs Next-Door-Neighbour going to come banging at my door with her walking-stick? I must be dreaming…a very lovely dream.

"M-MY NAME I-IS A-ASHLEIGH! C-CALL ME A-ASH!" …Sparrow, I added in my mind. Please marry me Jack!

I grabbed his hand and shook it violently, too violently in fact. The poodle leaped off his arms towards me. I screamed (not that anyone would've heard it) and ducked out of the way. I turned just in time to watch as Jack's poodle Jack flew out of the window.

"JAAAAAAACCCCCCKKKK!" Jack yelled and suddenly the snoring stopped. All the pirates woke up as he yelled and looked around flabbergasted.

"What's happenin'? Who yelled?" they asked. "Did Sparrow lose his gay poodle again?!"

Should I give them the trophy like now or after I've ran away?

"O-oops." I stuttered as I stared dreamily at Jack whose lip trembled as he watched the window, hoping that his poodle would appear flying back to him. I think I'm in trouble. Anger showed in his dark eyes. I watched as his face turned from a lovely tan colour to a tomato red of anger.

"YOU!" he yelled at my face. "Jack just wanted to lick your face, and now he's gone because you didn't allow it!" he told me. I was still staring at him with a dreamy expression on my face, despite the fact that he was really, really angry at me.

"G-go ahead a-and l-lick my f-face, Captain…" that was meant as a thought. I blushed. And grinned in embarrassment. "Hehe." Perhaps it was my time to leave? "Ta, dudes!" I said before turning on my heels and scrambling out of the door, wondering what I was doing when I left JACK SPARROW inside there with lots of pirates who had only just awoken! Damn I'm stupid.

I stopped outside the tavern but didn't make far before I felt something against my leg once more. I looked down to see the horny poodle shagging my leg again. Where was Jack to rescue me from his own crazy animal? "Hey, get off, you mangy cad!" I grinned widely. Jack used those two words in the movie. Hehe. (I always knew we were meant to each other). Plus I wasn't stuttering anymore. Perhaps it happened only in Jack Sparrow's company? I tried to shake my leg to get the poodle off, but no, the cute poodle was too stubborn or just too clingy. I shook my leg again, taking a step forward. The poodle wouldn't budge.

After figuring out that Jack the Poodle looked like a cute new (shagging) boot, I started walking down the street, wondering once again what to do. Now I had my neon green towel around me, my pink shampoo on my head and a new shagging poodle-boot clung to my leg. Now I would NOT wonder if someone thought I was a sea monster…

_To Be Continued…_

_Hehe__…_

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**Author's Note: **Did I really write that stuff? Hmm…I think I did. That was a bit weird though. But you could tell me in a review what YOU think. Rum goes to: _TPfan333, Timra and Alori Kesi Aldercy!_ Thanksssssssss!

Hugs! 3


	3. Add Will, Barbossa, Gov Swann and Norrin...

**Author's Insane Notes: **Okay, here I am again, with a new chapter! Hehe, on the lovely request of lovely reviewers, I decided to continue my lovely ficcy with crazy-Ash, Captain Jack Sparrow and Jack the Gay Poodle. Oh boy, you don't want to know what's going to happen in this chapter. I have no idea when or where I came up with this…had to be in the shower, I guess…Hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! :)

**Disclaimer: **Oh yes I do in fact own Jack Sparrow, in my dreams and in the shower. wink wink

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**When I Stepped Out Of My Shower**

- Chapter Two -

Add Will, Barbossa, Gov. Swann and Norrington to the Soup

I was grinning again as I inhaled the lovely scent of Tortuga.

Jack Sparrow was after me and his poodle was clung to my leg. What a lovely dream! Mmm…

Soon I doubled over in a fit of coughs. Damn, I think I swallowed a bug…

The night was pretty dark as I continued to walk a bit faster down the street with my neon green towel around me, my pink hair (the shampoo) and Jack the Poodle clung to my leg as a vibrating shagging boot. Soon I turned from a corner and watched wide-eyed as people ran away from me, yelling 'sea monster, sea monster!'. These pirates were very polite to time-travellers, NOT! Hmph!

"I'm not a sea monster! Grr…" I growled, but realised after a while that they weren't running away from me, they were running inside a tavern called 'The Sea Monster', yelling the tavern's name over and over again. Oh, now I got the hang of it! I'm a girl again. I had to smile at that.

Loud and quite horrible noises came from 'The Sea Monster' as I stood there and watched the pirates run inside. It sounded _almost _like music, well, not exactly music, but noise mixed with music and someone was screaming and yelling in the mic.

Then I remembered one thing. Jack Sparrow was probably after his poodle by now, searching these streets for it. I had to run for it. He was a pirate and he could kill me, even if he loved me and we were going to get married some day. Yes, I have planned my wedding already…

Deciding that 'The Sea Monster' was my best choice to hide for a while, I walked inside and my ears were met by a sound which could be identified with screams of agony from a torture chamber.

I stared at the stage at the very end of the tavern, where a band was playing.

The sign behind them said clear with blood red letters:

_Will Turner and the Metal Machines!_

I choked.

The band was playing horrible metal music, which didn't sound like music or heavy metal at all. I had to lift my hands to cover my ears as William Turner bent down to the mic and roared:

"ROOOAAARRRGHH!!! AAARRR!!! YEEEEAAAHHH!!! YEEEEAAAHHH!!! EVERRYBOOOODY LOOOOOOOVESSSS MEEEEEE!!! ROOOAAAARRGGHHHH!!" I heard it even through my hands. I stared.

Will's hair had grown quite a bit from what it had been in the movie. It reached his toes as a looong dark brown…hair-thing. He was wearing black shiny leather clothes (Grr, I know) and had looong black fingernails. He looked…like a witch. The Metal Machines played tremendous music behind him. And as I looked closer, the guitarist was Barbossa (he's alive? Eek!), the drummer was Commodore Norrington and the bassist was Governor Swann. They were all clad in black leather as well and they were not that good at playing their instruments. Apparently the Metal Machines had a big gig that night in 'The Sea Monster'.

I choked once again.

The audience seemed to like them though. The pirates all around me jumped and clapped their hands together for the Metal Machines. Will was screaming in the mic again, this time some new lines.

"AAAAAARRRGGHHH!! I'M A EUNUUUUUUUUCH!! COOOOME AAND HAAAVE A GLAAANCEE AT MY ARSEEE BECAAAUSE IT'S _NOOOT _HAIRYYY, YET EEELIZABETH LOOOOVEEES MEEEE!! AAAARRRRR!! ROOOAAARGGHH!!" he was screaming.

From the corner of my eye, I could see Captain Jack Sparrow entering 'The Sea Monster', looking around for me. He was searching for ME! I always knew he cared for me…dreamy sigh

I slunk behind a tall pirate who was jumping up and down as well. I saw Jack coming closer. And then the stupid pirate in front of stepped on my foot! The leg on which Jack the Poodle was attached to and the poor cute poodle barked loudly as I yelped in pain. Jack noticed me. He noticed ME! I always knew he loved me…dreamy sigh

I gulped as he strode nearer. I didn't move. (Why would I? JACK SPARROW was walking closer to me…)

"YOU!" he yelled at my face.

"Cutiepieeeeee!" I said back to him in my trance-like state. Jack raised his eyebrows. "I meant the poodle." I lied.

"Wuff!" Jack the Poodle barked but continued to shag my leg.

"Give Jack my precious gay poodle right back, Wash or whatever your name was, (Hey I rhymed)!" he grinned toothily. I always knew he could compose a love poem for me…dreamy sigh

"Ash…leigh. Y-you have t-to know m-my real n-name since w-we're getting m-married soon!" I explained to him, still stuttering in his handsome company. He stared at me wide-eyed.

"Married? Okay, whatever. But I want my Jackiepoo back." he pouted. I patted his shoulder. I get to touch him as well? Wow! I'm really starting to love this dream.

Hehe.

"I tried to get him off, but he's too stubborn, or he loves me too much. You should follow his set of good example, Captain. Hey! I'm not stuttering anymore! Wohoo!" I replied to him, grinning like an idiot as I started dancing in happiness.

"Good for you, but give him back! Jackiepoo loves ME, not ye!" Jack argued hotly. I pouted.

"I won't give him back if you're not gonna marry me!" I crossed my arms over my chest. Jack scowled.

"I won't!"

"Yes you will!" I said to him. "Let's make a deal, you marry me, I give you your Jackiepoo back, savvy? How does that sound, huh?" I asked him enthusiastically.

"Fine!" he drawled. Back on the stage, the Metal Machines had stopped playing and obviously had a break of some sort.

"Yay!" I smiled and gave him a kiss on his cheek. I get to kiss him too? I'm fainting!!! drools

"Eww…" he muttered and wiped his cheek. I scowled.

"Who's this, Jack? And what is your poodle doing? Is he shagging that sea monster's leg?" Will Turner and the Metal Machines appeared beside Jack. I giggled silently.

"I'm Ash Sparrow, Jack's fiancéeeeeeee! And Jack's my fancé!" I told them happily, extending my hand. I'm marrying Jack! Hahaa! Are you jealous?! "Hello Barbossa! I thought you were DEAD!" I said to the leather clad Barbossa.

Grunt.

Was that his answer?

"Nice to meet you, Ash." Will said to me as we shook hands, glancing at Jack. "So, why are you marrying a sea monster, Jack?"

"To get me Jackiepoo back that's why." Jack told them firmly. Jack the Poodle was still shagging my leg. I wonder how he finds the energy to do that all day long…Maybe he drinks Battery…

"I AM NOT A SEA MONSTER!!! ARGH!" I yelled angrily. Suddenly I found myself alone in the tavern. Did I scare them all? Aww…

When I exited the empty 'Sea Monster', I panicked. I'm all alone and Jack left me! Sniff, sniff.

Where is he?

"Jack! Where are youuuuuuuuu?! If you don't come out now, I'll eat Jackiepoo the Poodle!" I yelled and soon Jack Sparrow appeared in front of me. "I always knew you're interested in me…" I sighed dreamily.

"Don't eat Jackiepoo! He means the world to me!" Jack cried. I nodded.

"Alright. I won't eat him. Let's go planning our wedding aboard the Black Pearl, shall we?" I asked him with a smile. Jack nodded, staring longingly at his poodle. Funny, I was still wearing my neon green towel and the pink shampoo on in my hair and no one really noticed that…

Hehe, must be my lucky dream...

"Jack!" Will was yelling suddenly, The Metal Machines behind him as his bodyguards.

"Governor Swann! Leather suits you very well!" I commented one of Will's band members.

Grunt.

Was that his answer?

"Jack! We need to get Elizabeth from her nannies! You promised to accompany me." Will said to him, pouting. Elizabeth has a nanny? Interesting, this dream gets better and better…muah-ha-haa…

Hehe.

"Alrighty then…Are you coming Ash?" Jack asked ME, but stared at his poodle. So what? He asked meeeeeeee! dreamy sigh I always knew he wanted to marry me…

"Yes! Let's pick up Elizabeth from her nannies!" I told them and them we walked down the street, the Metal Machines walking in front of us, their hands sweeping the ground like a couple of gorillas… "Your butt looks nice in leather, Commodore Norrington."

Grunt.

_To Be Continued…_

_Tiihii__…_

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**Author's Note:** Hmm, Will has a band? Whoa that's pretty strange. Oh, like I said in the beginning of this chapter, I have no idea where these oddities are coming from. Just my insane mind I guess…hehe! Please leave a review and tell me what you think about this! :) AND I have a plot for this! It's slightly crazy but bearable...

Oh, thanks for all the reviews I got. So glad you likes this strange fic! faints Thank you soooooo much!!! hands out rum to y'all

_lil__-blonde-pirate, OddGirl, Ello Luv, Timra, TPfan333, spikelovesmenotu, blackcharityflint, Muy Bonita Chica, funkified beans, Chelsey and maribelle and kate!_

Thanks you soooooooooooooooooo much!!! :D

PS: More Captain Jack Sparrow, Jack the Poodle, crazy-Ash, Will Turner and the Metal Machines in the next chappie! Yay! And Elizabeth arrives...hehe...

Hugs y'all to death!

3


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